Lindsay C. Cutshall
[09/09/81 - 08/15/04]

Lindsay & Jason
Jason S. Allen
[05/16/78 - 08/15/04]

♥ "The sun is going down on the horizon, and all I see is the beams shining on the cliff face, and I know that God is awesome. I look around and see His Creation all around me." --Lindsay ♥                                                                                 ♥ "As I stir this Mac & Cheese, I think to myself, what a wonderful life. I've just spent two awesome days with my fiance, Lindsay. Can life ever be so perfect? Only with a person who is so great. God gives me this privilege in life and He has given me a wonderful woman to enjoy it with." --Jason ♥                                                                                 ♥ "Live for things in heaven, not on earth." --Lindsay ♥                                                                                 ♥ "Heaven will be a wonderful place of no suffering, hurt, loneliness; it's a great thing to look forward to." --Lindsay ♥

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Magazine article...

Sonoma magazine recently published a well-written article about Jason & Lindsay's case. Next month it will be 10 years since their passing. :(

Here's a link to the current issue of the magazine online. The article starts on page 120. I also have a pdf copy of it here that you can download and print up for easier reading.

Thank you to Jeremy Hay for the hard work he put into this article. He put a great deal of time and effort into it and I am truly grateful.

Glory to God, as always! Please be praying for justice for Jason & Lindsay. Somebody out there knows something. I am praying their conscience is weighing on them. Also, please be praying for the upcoming "anniversary" of Jason & Lindsay's passing and the obvious emotional impact that it always has on these amazing families. Thank you & God bless!

Friday, May 16, 2014

Jason's 36th Birthday!

Jason in Puerto Rico, 2004

Today, Jason would have turned 36 years old. He was 26 when he died. Can it really be that a decade has almost passed since he and Lindsay were killed? Sometimes it seems like eons ago, but most of the time, I remember it as if it was only about a year ago. My memories of those days (the "aftermath" rollercoaster of emotions) are so vivid... which is kind of strange, because at the time, I felt numb. But I remember that feeling. I was in total shock. I could not grasp the reality that someone I knew as a best friend throughout so many years of my life was murdered. Murdered? I never imagined something like this could hit so close to home. I didn't even know what to do with myself. My own little world didn't make sense anymore. The equilibrium was shaken like a snow globe and nothing would ever be the same. In some ways, that's a good thing. I will never look at life the same way again, because now I realize that life could end in an instant, and I also know how real and tangible God is when you need Him the most!

Natalie Grant
(excerpt from her beautiful song, "Held")

"This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held"

God changed my perspective on EVERYTHING. I am so grateful to Him for not letting this tragedy destroy us. He brought beauty out of the ashes. That doesn't bring Jason & Lindsay back, but it does give us so much HOPE that He loves us more than we can possibly imagine and we can trust and believe in His promises! We WILL see them again in heaven!

"And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with Him the believers who have died. We tell you this directly from the Lord: We who are still living when the Lord returns will not meet Him ahead of those who have died. For the Lord Himself will come down from heaven with a commanding shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet call of God. First, the Christians who have died will rise from their graves. Then, together with them, we who are still alive and remain on the earth will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. Then we will be with the Lord forever. So encourage each other with these words."
~1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you."
~Deuteronomy 31:6

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me."
~Psalm 23:4a

Today, I remember Jason and think about his sense of humor and his sense of adventure. He was not at all materialistic. He found his perfect match in Lindsay because she was the same way. Jason loved the Lord, he loved his family, he loved people and he loved nature. He was an amazing person, loved and missed by many, and I can't wait to see him again in heaven someday! That is no lofty thought. Heaven is a heartbeat away and is as real as the world around you!

Happy Birthday Jason! You will never be forgotten! I continue to pray and never give up hope that there will be justice for you & Lindsay someday soon!


To those who read this, if you don't know God and/or don't believe in Him for one reason or another... there IS a way to find out that He is real. I know that many people who don't believe simply don't know HOW you can know for sure. Others outright deny He exists and they think believers are crazy for believing in a Holy God that we can't see. But just like you can't see the wind, you can see and feel the effects of the wind! And if you want to know whether or not God exists, all you need to do is seek Him with a sincere heart and you WILL find Him:

"I love those who love Me, and those who seek Me find Me."
~Proverbs 8:17

"But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul."
~Deuteronomy 4:29

"You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart."
~Jeremiah 29:13

Monday, September 09, 2013

Lindsay's 32nd Birthday!

Lindsay at Rock-N-Water, Summer 2004

Today is Lindsay's 32nd birthday! I have always wondered if, in heaven, people are aware of such things as when their "earthly" birthday is occurring. Maybe those things are so insignificant in heaven that they are blissfully unaware! Nevertheless, this day each year is the day that Lindsay's dearest loved ones will always remember their beautiful and sweet daughter, sister, friend and/or whichever role she played in their lives. From what I have learned about her, she was humble and kind and a genuine person whom anyone could depend on. She was Jason's perfect match and best friend and they had so much life to look forward to! I know that they are more alive now than ever before, but it still breaks my heart that they never got to be married and experience more life here. They never got to have kids and pursue their dream of running their own camp ministry. But God knew the number of days they would live on this earth and I fervently believe that they lived a life that was honoring to God and even in death He was glorified! I know they wear crowns of glory and they are experiencing JOY far beyond what we can imagine!

I never got to know Lindsay. I only met her once. I remember, after she and Jason died, so much kept running through my mind. One thing was that I wished I had talked to Lindsay more at the wedding shower. Had I any indication that it was the only time I would ever speak to her, I would have definitely said more and made it count! I am so grateful that I will get to know her in heaven. I can't wait for her and Jason to show me around and to experience the JOY of God's kingdom with them! :) Sometimes heaven feels so far away... almost abstract. But really, it's as close as a breath. Life here is short and unpredictable. Life on earth is fragile and can end in an instant! Heaven really is much closer than we think! So my challenge to you, and to myself, is to make life count for the glory and majesty of Christ! Do things in your life that will make an eternal impact... not just a temporary one. It's so easy to live a "surface" life, where you do what you want and do whatever provides immediate gratification... but it is a life devoid of any depth or real meaning. God has a magnificent plan for each of us, whether we know it or not! We just need to turn to Him to find out what it is. It requires courage, but it is oh so rewarding and peace-giving! Nothing, absolutely NOTHING, will satisfy you and gratify you as much as following God wholeheartedly will! In this world, there is so much evil and so much darkness. You only need to turn on the news for 5 minutes to figure that out! Satan would love for nothing more than for us to despair and to just turn our backs on God because that leads to our destruction. But if we live courageously and live a life that is pleasing to God, nothing satan throws at us will destroy us! As children of God, we are protected by His almighty hand! Lindsay understood that, and even though she lost her life on earth, her eternal life in heaven was just beginning... and God used her story to touch the hearts and transform the lives of countless people for His glory! I know, because of the heart she had for the Lord, that she is so humbled and honored by that!

"There is only one secure foundation: a genuine, deep relationship with Jesus Christ, which will carry you through any and all turmoil. No matter what storms are raging all around, you'll stand firm if you stand on His love."
~Charles Stanley

Please pray for Lindsay's family and friends today! She was loved by so many people who miss her so much! And please continue to pray for justice and for the person responsible for these murders to be found and held reponsible.

Happy Birthday Lindsay! You are loved by so many and you will never be forgotten!

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Nine years...

Jason & Lindsay at their dual wedding shower in May 2004.

Today marks the 9-year "anniversary" of Jason & Lindsay's deaths. Every year, I still find myself overwhelmed with memories... from the gamut of emotions that came with finding out about what happened to them (after several days of worrying and praying while they were still missing) as well as remembering all of my great childhood memories with Jason that are now different... because they are tinged with sadness. I can't look at any photos of me and him very long without my eyes filling with tears! But every year, I find myself so grateful that God has brought some very beautiful things from the tragedy of their murders. Many people have come to know the Lord through their story and God has also taught all of us about what truly matters in life, and how His perspective on death is very different than ours!

I am also grateful for the answers we do have! My heart breaks for people who have loved ones who are missing, because not knowing is worse than at least having the closure of knowing their fate. I find myself trying to remember those stories as I hear them on the news... to remember to pray for the missing and for their loved ones. As their names start to be forgotten by the general population, because of lack of news coverage, I know their families and friends are still hurting and very desperate for answers! I know the feeling of bewilderment as the rest of the world keeps moving while your own life seems to have come to a screeching halt. And as hours turn into days, and days turn into months, and months turn into years... your life is never the same... but the world keeps turning. I don't want to forget their plight! I am praying for the truth to be revealed in every one of those situations, even if the truth is gut-wrenching. At least then, the process of healing can begin. When there are no answers at all, the wounds remain raw. I'm grateful for the answers we do have... but I'm still praying for justice for Jason & Lindsay here on earth! It would be such a huge relief to have the remainder of these unanswered questions resolved and to keep the person responsible from being able to hurt anyone else ever again!

I'm mostly grateful to know that, in the end, GOD WINS! There is no such thing as a "perfect crime," because God sees all and hears all... and He will bring the ultimate justice! That is what keeps me sane in this world that is so riddled with evil and pain, because I feel so helpless to change things. But I know that God is mindful of everything that happens and He feels every emotion that we feel. He is with us in our deepest sorrows and in our greatest joys! But we can't truly appreciate the happiness without knowing sorrow... just like we can't appreciate success without failure. There are a lot of things like that in life that give us perspective. I love God for the perspective He gives us the moment we choose to follow Him! His presence in your life changes everything and gives great HOPE in every circumstance! The sorrow and the heartbreak we experience just makes me realize how much I am looking forward to being in heaven someday! It is not something to be feared but to anticipate with joy!

So, as we reach another "anniversary," I ask that you will pray for Jason & Lindsay's families. This is a difficult time of year, understandably. I ask that you pray for them as well as justice for Jason & Lindsay! We will never give up hope!

Jason & Lindsay... we honor your legacy today as we remember the remarkable lives you led! I wish you could see how your story has touched the lives of countless people and how your example of faith has glorified God! What a day that will be when we will one day see you again!

In closing, I would like to share something written by Jason's mom:

It has been nine years since God called Jason and Lindsay home. I can't even imagine all that he has accomplished during this time he has spent in his heavenly home. He lived life to the fullest here on earth, and I am sure he is doing the same there. We look forward to his sharing of new adventures and showing us around. We look forward to worshiping our great and loving God along side of him. Daily I am reminded of the hope we have in Christ. I think that is why I love this song so much. This is our only true hope. We love you Jason and Lindsay.

Before the Throne of God

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong, a perfect plea;
A great high Priest whose Name is Love
Who ever lives and pleads for me!
My name is graven on His hands,
My name is written on His heart;
I know that while in heaven He stands,
No tongue can bid me thence depart!
No tongue can bid me thence depart!

When satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end to all my sin!
Because the sinless Savior died,
My sinful soul is counted free;
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me!
To look on Him and pardon me!

Behold Him there the risen Lamb,
My perfect spotless righteousness;
The great unchangeable I Am,
The King of glory and of grace!
One with Himself I cannot die,
My soul is purchased by His blood;
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ my Savior and my God!
With Christ my Savior and my God!

One with Himself I cannot die,
My soul is purchased by His blood;
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ my Savior and my God!
With Christ my Savior and my God!

(Words written in 1863 by Charitie Lees Smith)

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Jason's 35th Birthday!

Jason on the whitewater, Summer 2004

Today is Jason's birthday! He would have been 35. I wonder if turning 35 would have been as weird for him as it was for me. I was born 9 months before he was, and last August, turning 35 was even more challenging for me than turning 30 was! I guess that feeling that I'm now closer to 40 than I am to 30 seems a little unreal! How is it that I'm this old already? Life really does fly by... seemingly faster and faster as I get older! But I heard a quote this past year that really put things into perspective for me: "Do not regret growing older. It's a privilege denied to many."


What a powerful reminder of the value of human life, and the profound loss and pain that occurs when someone loses a loved one way too early. There are no guarantees in this life! For the believer and for the non-believer... none of us are immune to pain and to tragedy. I praise God every day that we have the great HOPE that He offers through Jesus Christ! Because death is no longer as scary when one's eternity is secured in heaven. That doesn't mean it isn't devastating though when a friend or family member, or anyone you love and care about, dies young.

The crazy thing is... I never actually set out to write this memorial blog. It just sort of happened. Oddly enough, only a month before Jason & Lindsay died, I started my own personal blog because it was a new fad at the time. Some of my co-workers & friends had just started their own blogs too so I was just writing things that only they would read, because no one else knew about it. Everything I wrote about was just silly stuff that I wrote for fun and didn't matter at all in the great scheme of things.

But then, only a month later, my life turned completely upside down when Jason & Lindsay were murdered. I was in total shock and so devastated by it that I couldn't think of anything else to write about... nothing else mattered! So I began to write about them, which became almost therapeutic. I would post every article I could find because I wanted to keep track of anything and everything that had to do with the case. And then, I realized that my blog was no longer my personal blog... it was exclusively about Jason & Lindsay and it became my personal passion to share their story and give glory to God for the way He was working through this tragedy! So, basically, I deleted all of the silly nonsense I had posted prior to their deaths, and I turned my blog into a memorial blog, with permission from Jason & Lindsay's families. So... that's how this website was "born."

With that said, I want to honor Jason's memory today by cherishing every memory I have of the childhood we spent together. There are far too many memories to list here... but one of my favorites was how we used to climb the red maple tree in his front yard. I know I have mentioned this before several times. We would sit at the "tippy top" (his name for it) and talk and giggle. We would try to find bugs and the biggest leaves. We would marvel if there were any birds nests in the tree. When that tree was full of leaves, it was a great hiding place! I loved it! Just recently, the couple who now live in that house cut down that tree. It was still a beautiful tree but they thought it was too close to the house. It broke my heart but I knew there was nothing I could do to save it because it wasn't mine to save. So our beloved tree now exists only in my memory, just as most of the rest of my "Jason memories" do. There aren't many tangible pieces of evidence left of our childhood anymore... at least in terms of things that are the same as they were back then. Time changes everything. But one thing that remains is the truth that I will get to spend eternity in the same place that he and Lindsay are now! Praise God for giving us such a priceless gift! A gift that none of us deserve but that He offers to us anyway... to those who choose to receive that gift and follow Him! To God be the GLORY!

On another note, I would like to ask for your prayers for several people I know, including my own mom, who are fighting cancer or other life-threatening illnesses or injuries. Pray for miraculous healing but also for God's will to be done! He sees the "big picture" that we cannot see. In His infinite wisdom, sometimes He allows things we do not understand. He can bring profound beauty from profound loss. I've seen it happen over and over again! I wish that He would spare us all from such loss and suffering... but in this life, there is no guarantee of that. This world is a very fallen place and we are all affected by it in one way or another. But in the end, GOD WINS. And in every heartache, we should be reminded of the things that truly matter!

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
~Matthew 6:19-21

Where is your heart? Is it chasing after dreams that will vanish in an instant when you die? Or are you investing in God, your loved ones, and others? What are you doing in your life that will matter for eternity? Because, just like your life here on earth, this fallen world will pass away one day. But what you do to honor and serve God, your loved ones, and other people will matter for eternity. ( 2 Peter 3 )

Jason & Lindsay both lived an exemplary life of faith in Jesus Christ. They fully understood the concept of "storing up for yourselves treasures in heaven" instead of treasures on earth. Honestly... I can't think of anyone else I've ever known who lived that concept more than they did! In their short lives, they were so wise and discerning regarding obedience to God and understanding His nature. And God has honored (and continues to honor) the way they lived their lives for Him by having that become their legacy. Theirs is a legacy of faith. I am honored that I knew Jason for a season of my life and that I still know and love his family. What a priceless blessing!

Happy 35th Birthday Jason! One day we will see you again & your beloved Lindsay! Until then, we all treasure and honor our memories of you.

Me & Jason at 2 years old in 1980.

From Jason's parents:

It is a beautiful day in May. The sun is shining on the tulips, the dogwood trees are in full bloom, and the birds are singing their song of spring, just as they were on May 16, 1978. God gave us such a blessing that day when He gave us Jason.

In those short 26 years Jason taught us many things, the first of which was patience. :-) He was adventuresome, daring, independent, and willing to try anything once, and he enjoyed every minute of it! He taught us, that no matter how difficult the path, to pursue your dreams. He taught us the importance of a sense of humor. Most importantly, by example, he taught us to stay true to the calling of the Lord. He claimed Philippians 4:13 as his life verse. "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." He knew, apart from God's enabling grace, he could not accomplish what he was called to do. God used all of Jason, his strengths and his weaknesses, to bring the good news to youth in a camp ministry. We are proud to have called him son.

Happy 35th birthday! We love you and miss you. Until then......

Mom and Dad

Sunday, September 09, 2012

Lindsay's 31st Birthday!

Lindsay (center) with friends at Rock-N-Water, 2004

Today, Lindsay would have turned 31 years old! It's hard to imagine... since she was only 22 when she passed away... just a few weeks shy of her 23rd birthday. And although I only had the pleasure of meeting her once, I have learned so much about her and I admire her so much! In her short time on earth, she touched the lives of so many people with her character, her compassion, her grace and her faith. I am very grateful to God that I will get the chance to know her in heaven someday! I sometimes think of heaven as so far away... almost abstract because it isn't something I plan to see in the immediate future. But of course there is no way of knowing that! I could see heaven tomorrow! Obviously I've learned through this tragedy that life is short and very fragile! And with every heartbreak that I experience in this lifetime, I am reminded all the more of what we get to look forward to, as children of God! God's offer of salvation through Christ is so amazing! I am looking forward to heaven so much! I want to experience what God has planned for me here and I hope that I bring honor to Him with the life that I lead... but when my time on earth is finished, I am ready to go! Whether that is tomorrow or when I'm 100 years old. May His will be done!

I frequently read the blog of Angie Smith, the wife of Todd Smith who is the lead singer of the Christian group Selah. A few years ago, they lost a baby daughter to multiple birth defects. They knew early on in the pregnancy that she would not make it but they wanted as much time with her as possible. The day she was born, she was not supposed to survive the birth but she did for a few precious hours and her family was able to say their goodbyes. This experience obviously had a profound impact on the lives of the Smith family and they have given all glory to God for their daughter's life here on earth and especially her eternal life in heaven! Heaven is on their hearts and minds often... and recently Angie wrote this about the storms of life that cause us such gut-wrenching heartbreak and sorrow and why we still have such great hope because of Christ:

And always behind the storm, a voice whispers from eternity: It is worth the wait, love.

And so we remain, eyes soaked with tears and rain.

Believing beyond our momentary affliction that all-consuming glory is near.

It is so near, love.

Come, Lord Jesus... quickly...

That brings tears to my eyes every time I read it! It's the desperate longing to finally meet Jesus face-to-face and to reconnect with loved ones who have gone before us! I sincerely hope that everyone who reads this knows the Lord so they have this great hope as well! We have SO much to look forward to!

I pray that all who read this are inspired by Lindsay and the example she set in her short life here on earth! She had a tender and humble heart and was so unlike most 22-year-olds. She saw the beauty of nature and recognized it as God's handiwork. She viewed her life as a journey and knew that earth is not really where we belong... it is not "home"... but heaven is home! She was right with the Lord and very much looked forward to heaven! I greatly admire her faith and her gentle yet courageous spirit. She shined brightly in her life and shines even brighter in her eternal life! Happy Birthday Lindsay! You are greatly missed by all who knew and loved you and greatly admired by countless others! You have made an indelible impact on the world in ways you could never have imagined. And because of that, God has been glorified! I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that you are humbled and honored by that.

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