Lindsay C. Cutshall
[09/09/81 - 08/15/04]

Lindsay & Jason
Jason S. Allen
[05/16/78 - 08/15/04]

♥ "The sun is going down on the horizon, and all I see is the beams shining on the cliff face, and I know that God is awesome. I look around and see His Creation all around me." --Lindsay ♥                                                                                 ♥ "As I stir this Mac & Cheese, I think to myself, what a wonderful life. I've just spent two awesome days with my fiance, Lindsay. Can life ever be so perfect? Only with a person who is so great. God gives me this privilege in life and He has given me a wonderful woman to enjoy it with." --Jason ♥                                                                                 ♥ "Live for things in heaven, not on earth." --Lindsay ♥                                                                                 ♥ "Heaven will be a wonderful place of no suffering, hurt, loneliness; it's a great thing to look forward to." --Lindsay ♥

Friday, September 09, 2016

Lindsay's 35th Birthday!

Today, Lindsay would have turned 35. It strikes me that so much time has passed, as she was only 22 (less than a month shy of her 23rd birthday) when she died. 35 seems so much older, and I realize again just how young she was when she entered into heaven.

From what I've learned about Lindsay, she was very sweet and genuine. I only met her once so I didn't know her personally but she was soft-spoken and kind. She and Jason looked so happy together and I was so excited for them both! (I met her at their dual wedding shower in May of 2004, 3 months before they died.) I love that God brought them together! Jason, who never thought he'd meet a woman with the same faith and the same adventuresome spirit that he had, was so grateful to God for her! They both were so looking forward to getting married! They had big dreams for their lives together. No one could have seen this coming. No one knew that someone would abruptly and permanently end those dreams. It is still so hard for me to grasp how someone could do that and still sleep at night.

It brings great relief that we know where Lindsay and Jason are. They lived with their hearts toward heaven! They saw God in His Creation and genuinely lived to serve Him. In Lindsay's last recorded words in the journal on that beach, she wrote of seeing God's presence:

"The sun is going down on the horizon, and all I see is the beams shining on the cliff face, and I know that God is awesome. I look around and see His Creation all around me."

She got it. She saw Him in her surroundings and loved Him with her whole heart! And within hours, she met Him face-to-face with her beloved Jason by her side.

More evidence of her faith in Jesus was written in journals her family found after her passing:

"I greatly desire to have many crowns to give my God when I get to heaven. Nothing on earth matters in light of eternity. It is so easy to get caught up in the things of the world and forget what really matters. How amazing that we have forever to spend with Christ. The more we worship and spend our lives for Christ on earth the better we can serve Him in heaven. I sometimes think of myself as a pilgrim in a foreign land traveling through life. We are here temporarily. I should be less materialistic and give more to God. Don’t waste time."

♥ ♥ ♥

"Heaven will be a wonderful place of no suffering, hurt, loneliness; it’s a great thing to look forward to."

I find it greatly comforting to know where she & Jason are. Jesus is the only reason for this comfort and this peace! He gives us hope and reassurance because we know that Lindsay & Jason were saved and that they are safe with Him! And I find it especially comforting that little Caleb is with them also. That precious little boy who only lived here for such a short time now is having grand adventures with his aunt & uncle in the paradise of heaven and I am so excited to be able to join in on that someday. We all are!

Please pray for Lindsay's family and loved ones today as they commemorate another birthday without her here. I know they miss her terribly. ♥

♥ Happy Birthday Lindsay! You are well-loved and will never be forgotten! ♥

Monday, August 15, 2016

Twelve years...

It's been 12 years now since Jason & Lindsay died. Twelve long years but also short years... since in many ways it seems like forever ago, but yet these years have flown by!

I've been thinking lately about my upcoming birthday. I will be 39 this week and I'm not so sure I like that I'm already rapidly approaching the last year of my thirties. But then I have to remind myself of a quote that I heard several years ago that I will never forget:

"Never regret growing older, for it's a privilege denied to many."

Wow, that is powerful! And it brings tears to my eyes because I always think of Jason & Lindsay when I am reminded of that. They were denied the privilege of a long life. They were denied their plans to get married. They were denied their dreams for their future. They were denied the possibility of having children. They were denied the chance to grow old together. In a matter of moments, someone robbed them of ALL of that. That is unimaginable to me! Still, after all these years! My funny friend & neighbor I grew up with who was so full of life and adventure was robbed of a life past the age of 26, and his beloved Lindsay, the age of 22. I still wish every day that God would have stopped that from happening. But for some reason, He allowed it. God didn't cause it to happen, but He didn't stop it. I have learned that God views death differently than we do. For those who have chosen to follow Him and have accepted the gift of Salvation, death on earth is the beginning of eternal life in heaven! So as painful as it is to have lost Jason & Lindsay at such young ages, we have the peace of knowing that they are in the best place possible and they are forever safe. There is much to be grateful for, despite the enormous loss of losing them here. God has brought sweetness in the form of souls saved for eternity and a new perspective on life itself... both here on earth and in heaven. I will never think of life & death the same way.

With that said, I desperately pray for justice for Jason & Lindsay! Even though we have the peace of knowing that they're safe in heaven with Jesus, the truth remains that there is a KILLER out there who has not been held responsible for his actions. For 12 years, he has been allowed to live as if nothing ever happened. The hardest part is knowing that there are likely people out there who have the answers... who know exactly who did it. I hope that they will find it in their hearts to come forward. Put yourself in the shoes of Jason & Lindsay's parents & siblings. They suffered a monumental loss and they STILL have no answers! Nothing has ever been or will be the same. There is always a hole at every family get-together where Jason & Lindsay should be. Every holiday, every celebration... they are NOT there because of their killer who has STILL not been held responsible. I'm tired of waiting. I am so, so sad that their families have no answers. The sweetest people in the world are still waiting for justice for the unimaginable crime that took their kids from them. If you know who did this, PLEASE COME FORWARD. Give yourself the peace of mind in knowing that you're doing the right thing. I pray for you to have the courage to do it.

In conclusion, I want to share some photos of the sweet couple we are remembering today. They were genuine, kind-hearted, funny, adventurous, full of life, full of love, and lived to serve the Lord. They were remarkable in every sense of the word! I am so blessed to have shared my childhood with Jason and to still know his family. I also consider it a blessing to be connected with Lindsay's family who are just as genuine. These are all amazing people who are joined by an unthinkable loss and an unwavering faith in Jesus.

"When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: 'Death has been swallowed up in victory. Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?' The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."
~1 Corinthians 15:54-58

♥ Never Forgotten ♥

Monday, May 16, 2016

Jason's 38th Birthday!

Today is what would have been Jason's 38th birthday! Twelve birthdays now since he passed away. It just occurred to me that, within that many years, my entire childhood with him took place. Time is so fleeting! There are so many amazing memories from my childhood that I would give anything to re-live. Life was so simple and carefree! That is why it took me such a long time to remember those times without bursting into tears. I thought those memories would forever be tainted with horror... because there was no part of me that ever could have anticipated such an end to Jason's life. Sometimes it still seems very surreal. I sure wish it wasn't real. But God has been so gracious. He has brought beauty from the pain. He allowed it to happen but did NOT cause it. God is not the author of evil and death. He is the author of TRUTH and LIFE! I have seen the beautiful things God has done through Jason & Lindsay's story! This verse always comes to mind:

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." (Genesis 50:20)

There is so much suffering in this world and I know, because of it, many people doubt God's existence. And even if they believe He could be real, they don't believe He is GOOD. However, in my experience, just because evil exists does not mean that God is not real and not good! In fact, He is the light in the darkness! He is hope for the hopeless. Strength for the weary. God is far more loving than we could ever imagine! He is far more compassionate, far more generous, far more gracious, far more merciful, far more patient and far more holy than we will ever comprehend! He loves YOU. He knows YOU by name and He wants desperately for YOU to know Him! God sent His only son to DIE for you... in your place. Jesus willingly took your sin (and mine) upon Himself and took the punishment for it (death and hell). But in His power, He conquered the grave... conquered DEATH... and rose again! And because of that unimaginable grace and love, we can actually have a relationship with Him and we can literally spend eternity with Him! That would have been absolutely impossible if not for Jesus! He is the reason why we have not lost hope in the wake of Jason's cruel death. He is the reason why we can see beauty coming from the ashes. He is the reason why Jason's parents and sisters can actually forgive the person who stole their son's (and brother's) life. He is the reason why we can be assured that God is working in every corner of the world, even when we can't see it. He is working in people's lives in the most oppressed areas of the world and, whether you know it or not, He is working in your life and in the lives of people around you! God is VERY present and very concerned about what is going on in this world. He equips us to handle the things He calls us to do. Yes, there are people (even real Christians) who make mistakes and give Christianity a bad name, but please do not let people ruin Jesus for you! People are not ever the 100% true image of Christ because we are all still sinners! We all still struggle and we all still make mistakes. But God never makes mistakes! If you are breathing, it is because you have a purpose. If you want to know the amazing God who gave you life and loves you more than you could ever begin to imagine, all you have to do is seek Him with a sincere heart and you WILL find Him. And the result of that relationship will give you inner peace like you've never known possible! It's the peace that always reminds us that there is more to our existence than our time here. That our suffering is only temporary. That we can have hope and assurance for an eternity with Jesus after we die... and that heaven is only a breath away! Jason did not cease to exist when his life was cruelly taken. In that moment, his eternal life began. So what his killer meant for evil, God intended for good. Death does not win! Jesus conquered it for us... so eternal life wins!

In my meager attempt to explain Jesus (because He is SO much more than I could ever describe), I am reminded of this recording of Dr. S.M. Lockridge. Please listen to it... it is so powerful and well worth it! This Jesus he is describing is the same Jesus whom Jason, Lindsay and Caleb (Jason's baby nephew) are with at this very moment!

I don't know if Jason knows that today is his birthday. Because God is not limited by time or space, I imagine heaven is the same way. "With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day." (2 Peter 3:8) So whether or not Jason knows it, we are still celebrating his remarkable life today!

A note from Jason's parents:

Happy Birthday Jason!

This picture was taken in 1987, when you were 9 years old. Your birthday always occurred during the Tulip Festival here in Holland, Michigan. What a fun week that was! Tulip Time meant half day sessions in school, marching in the children's parade, carnival food, pictures in front of tulips and then..........a birthday party! Such good memories!

We delighted in those celebrations, but they are so small in comparison to what you are enjoying now in heaven. You are living the ultimate celebration, and someday we will be celebrating with you. Until then..........Happy Birthday!!!!!! We love you and miss you.

Dad and Mom

Tuesday, January 05, 2016

Book written by Jason's mom, now available in paperback!

A while back, I posted that Jason's mom wrote a book, but at the time, it was only available in digital format.

I am excited to announce that it is now available in paperback on Amazon! :) Here is the description written by Jason's mom:

"This is the story of the tragic murders of our son, Jason Allen, and his fiancee, Lindsay Cutshall, on a secluded beach in California in 2004. It is also the story of God's faithfulness in providing for us during the most difficult journey of our lives and how His grace helped us through the grieving process."

Click here to view the Amazon listing if you're interested in purchasing this beautiful book! (There is currently no photo shown of the cover on the Amazon listing, but it looks like the photo above.)

If you prefer a digital format:

  • Individuals with iBooks on their home computer or iPad can download the digital e-book here.
  • Android (Kindle/Nook) version available here.
  • You can purchase & download a PDF copy here.

Wednesday, September 09, 2015

Lindsay's 34th Birthday!

Lindsay on the whitewater, Summer 2004

Today, Lindsay would have celebrated her 34th birthday! It's almost hard to imagine because she was only 22 when she died. So young! :( So much life happens between 22 and 34... and I will always wonder how her (and Jason's) life would have turned out. I have said this before, but I also wonder how much they are privy to of life here on earth. Does she know that today is her birthday? Or does that even matter? In heaven, time and space do not exist like they do here so maybe the entire concept is lost because it is just moot.

Today I want to remember Lindsay for her legacy... her life well lived. God has lifted her up in her death. Her life story glorifies Him and I can only hope mine does the same. She wasn't perfect... no one but Jesus has ever lived a perfect human life... but she genuinely loved Jesus and her life's goal was to serve Him in her own unique way. That's why she and Jason were such a great match... because they were so similar in their uniqueness. I love their love story! And I love that their love story continues on into their eternal life. Lindsay was and is a beautiful soul and we can all learn from her example. She was a humble servant of the Lord, willing to step out of her comfort zone to serve Him. She completely set aside all earthly/material possessions to serve Him. How many of us would be willing to do that? Could we give up our smartphones? Our computers? Our tablets/iPads? Our TVs? Our presence on social media? Our money? etc... in order to serve the Lord? (At the time of her death, smartphones, tablets and social media weren't an issue, but there was much she still gave up. She just didn't value it.) Obviously it helped tremendously that she had Jason along with her in her journey. They were both so willing to let go of that stuff and go where God led them. I don't know why God allowed them to die so young and in such a horrific way, but I do know that God didn't waste it. The evil that drove their killer to murder them did not win! God won... He ALWAYS wins... and because of that, we can remember Lindsay with a hope and a peace that she is heaven and that there is no better place to be! Praise God!

"Weep, but briefly, for your loved ones as they enter into the Kingdom of God. For they shall possess a joy and peace that is unattainable on God’s earthly realm. Rather, rejoice in their everlasting and total happiness, for their eyes have seen God."

Saturday, August 15, 2015

Eleven years...

Jason & Lindsay ice skating in Michigan in early 2004. I love this photo of them!

This is the day, 11 years ago, when Jason & Lindsay died... but also the day that their eternal lives began. It is a bittersweet dichotomy in so many ways. I know I can't even begin to imagine what heaven is like. None of us truly can! We all have some picture in our head of what it is like, but we are humanly incapable of fully grasping it. So it is surreal to realize that for believers/followers of Christ, heaven is only a breath away! We don't know how long we have here. We could be here one minute and gone the next. I never dreamed Jason (or anyone I knew) would die so young. It was a startling reminder of how fragile our human lives are... and how precious.

I still think about him and Lindsay often. I have a picture of them in my room and every time I see it, I am reminded of so many things: the shock, the absolute heartbreak, the crushing grief... but moreso now, I remember the closeness I felt to God at that time, the peace that He gave me (and still does), and the ability to see beauty in the midst of that chaos. I also think about the HOPE that I have because of Jesus and because I know that Jason & Lindsay ARE with Him! Jason & Lindsay lived their lives to serve the Lord and that has been an inspiration to so many people, myself included. Their legacy has really compelled me to seek out ways that I can serve God and others. I know I am not the only one! The best triumph that I have seen God bring out of this tragedy are the souls saved for eternity because of Jason & Lindsay's story! That is truly priceless!

God is in the business of bringing beauty from the ashes. He is deeply grieved when we are grieved. He wants to walk with us through our grief but also our joy. If we invite Him into our lives, He brings divine perspective and a sense of peace that we would never otherwise have. In every circumstance, God has a plan for good for those who love Him. There are many things in this world that have happened that I don't understand (and may never understand), but I do know that God is eternally and infinitely sovereign, good, loving, gracious, merciful, holy and just. If we never see justice for Jason & Lindsay in this lifetime, their killer will still stand before God one day, no matter what, and justice will be served. However, I hope that he seeks God's forgiveness and mercy while he is still alive, if he is still alive, because the redeeming power of Christ and an eternity in heaven is possible for him as well. I'd rather see his life be redeemed than his soul lost forever (and I know that Jason & Lindsay's families feel the same way). God's mercy extends to EVERYONE but it is up to us to repent, turn away from our sin, and to accept Christ's gift of salvation. The gift of salvation from Christ is life-changing and life-giving and the most incredible thing (for lack of a better word) that will ever happen to us! There are many people who think it is impossible to know that God exists, but that isn't true. Besides the fact that there is evidence of God everywhere in creation, if you want to KNOW that God is real, seek Him sincerely. If you want to know God and you seek Him, you WILL find Him.

"For since the creation of the world, God's invisible qualities — His eternal power and divine nature — have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse." ~Romans 1:20

"You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart." ~Jeremiah 29:13

"But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul." ~Deuteronomy 4:29

These last 11 years have flown by (as time almost always does) and so much has happened since Jason & Lindsay died. There have been many challenges but many blessings as well. Last year, the Allen family dealt with another unimaginable tragedy when Jason's sister and brother-in-law lost their infant son Caleb to a genetic disorder. As difficult as that has been for them, God has been faithful to carry them through it. It sure is awesome to know that Caleb is having a blast in heaven with his Uncle Jason & Aunt Lindsay! They died before their niece and nephews were born, so they never got to experience the joys of being an uncle and aunt... but they do have that now. That is so completely amazing!

To conclude, Jason's mom wrote something to share here that I think is pretty awesome!


For eleven years I have kept your T shirts, hoping to make a keepsake quilt from them. I never seemed to have the motivation to start. This past spring, I gave a local ministry called Living Threads, your shirts and requested a T Shirt Quilt be made. Today I picked up the beautiful piece of workmanship. I love it! We look at the names of places you have traveled, worked in ministry, attended school and just enjoyed life all across the country, and they bring back so many memories of the stories you shared with us. I look forward to wrapping myself in it on a cold wintry Michigan day. :)

We are so thankful we had you for 26 years. Looking forward to giving you a big hug someday and having you for eternity!

Love, Mom

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