Lindsay C. Cutshall
[09/09/81 - 08/15/04]

Lindsay & Jason
Jason S. Allen
[05/16/78 - 08/15/04]

♥ "The sun is going down on the horizon, and all I see is the beams shining on the cliff face, and I know that God is awesome. I look around and see His Creation all around me." --Lindsay ♥                                                                                 ♥ "As I stir this Mac & Cheese, I think to myself, what a wonderful life. I've just spent two awesome days with my fiance, Lindsay. Can life ever be so perfect? Only with a person who is so great. God gives me this privilege in life and He has given me a wonderful woman to enjoy it with." --Jason ♥                                                                                 ♥ "Live for things in heaven, not on earth." --Lindsay ♥                                                                                 ♥ "Heaven will be a wonderful place of no suffering, hurt, loneliness; it's a great thing to look forward to." --Lindsay ♥

Saturday, August 28, 2004

Last night's visitation...

I went to Jason's visitation last night. I was hoping that I would be able to keep myself calm and collected, but as hard as I tried, I just couldn't. Right when we walked in to Jason's church, I immediately remembered that the last time I was there... I was at his sister's wedding. And I had stood and spoken with Jason right there in that lobby. Last night, there were pictures everywhere... some from his childhood... and many more recent photos of Jason doing what he loved best... experiencing God's "great outdoors" and/or spending time with Lindsay. I was completely overwhelmed by the enormity of the loss of these two lives and I just fell apart. Once I started crying, I couldn't stop either. I just couldn't help but remember Jason when we were kids... and how back then, my whole world seemed so innocent and shatterproof. Our childhood was idyllic. I have the BEST memories of growing up with Jason and the other kids on my street and in my neighborhood. I never really realized, until recent years, how fortunate we all were. All of our families were loving families... not torn apart by divorce or anything along those lines... we were loved and we all loved each other. But what just happened to Jason and Lindsay has really shattered me. I feel like I can't ever really think of my childhood the same way again. There is a new darkness that taints it. But, I think eventually I will be able to get past this and remember my childhood in it's innocence again. Right now, things are just too raw and painful. But I am clinging to the hope that Jason's and Lindsay's parents have given us all. They continue to amaze me in their strength. It is SO undeniably clear that God has His entire presence wrapped around these people. They have just experienced such a tragic and horrific loss, but they can only see how much God has brought good from this tragedy. They were consoling me last night... not the other way around. I will never forget that. I am so moved by their faith. God is SO good. I cannot begin to imagine what this experience would be like if God wasn't a part of it. We would be left with nothing. No hope, no peace, no comfort in knowing that our loved ones are in heaven. Jason and Lindsay are in a place right now... far more beautiful than our human minds can comprehend. In that sense, they are lucky! And so are we... because we will one day join them. We WILL see them again... but in the meantime, we have to deal with the grief of losing them temporarily. Thanks be to God for this perspective.


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